RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
