so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
