you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
