My nipple is on Facebook.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
