All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
