it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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