My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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