I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
