2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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