I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
