Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
