He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
