The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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