Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
