thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
