bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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