God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
