I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
