Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
