I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I cannot find my penis.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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