dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I need a beard to bite.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
