I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
