dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Randomize
