omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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