Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
