real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
