I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
