Whod you bang
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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