Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
