I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
