I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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