i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Boobs speak an international language.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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