I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
