Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
