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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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