The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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