I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
