I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
