best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
