I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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