I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
