i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
