i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
