It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
