when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
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