In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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