I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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