I heard we made out
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
