thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
