bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
should my penis look like a turkey
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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